yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
