there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
