i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
