Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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