His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
