its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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