i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
