I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
