Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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