I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
