i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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