when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
