Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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