cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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