You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
