he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
