Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
