Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
