I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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