I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need moral support for this bender
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
