my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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