she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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