i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
