everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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