so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
