Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
