why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
