would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Im part way to drunk.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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