I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
