Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
