I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
