I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
