Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
