Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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