im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
