I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
