So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
