what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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