Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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