i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
