There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
