It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's just like the Real World with babies
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
