Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
