Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
