It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
did you just send me my own nude
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
