Buhtt sex?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
