I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
