Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
MIDGETS
????
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
