Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
