their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
