Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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