She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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